Worried about someone?
You do not need the perfect words. You need to show up. Here is what helps, what does not, and how to look after yourself while you do it.
Caring about someone who is struggling can make you feel helpless. You are not responsible for fixing them, and you cannot do their healing for them. What you can do matters more than most people realize: stay, listen, and make it a little safer to talk.
This page is for you. It is not medical advice, and it is not a substitute for professional help. It is a starting point from people who have been on both sides of this.
What you might see
You know your person best. These are common signs that someone may be carrying more than they show. None of them is a diagnosis, and having one does not mean something is wrong. A pattern is what to watch for.
Pulling away
Skipping plans, going quiet, not answering messages the way they used to.
A shorter fuse
More irritable, more tired, or more on edge than usual.
Changes in the basics
Sleeping much more or much less. Eating differently. Not looking after themselves.
Losing interest
Dropping things they used to love, like the gym, music, friends, or hobbies.
Hopeless talk
Saying things like “what’s the point,” “I’m a burden,” or “you’d be better off.” Take this seriously. See below.
How to begin
There is no perfect script. Here is a simple way to start, and a reminder that you can start again tomorrow.
Pick a calm moment
Somewhere private, with no rush. A walk or a drive can be easier than face to face.
Say what you have noticed
“I have noticed you have seemed down lately, and I care about you.” Use “I” statements, not accusations.
Ask, then listen
“How are you really doing?” Then let the silence be. Let them finish. Do not fill every pause.
Do not rush to fix
Most people do not need advice first. They need to be heard. “That sounds really hard” goes a long way.
Ask what would help
“What would be useful right now?” It hands them back some control, and it takes the guessing off you.
Follow up
Check in again, with no pressure. One conversation is a beginning. Coming back is what shows you mean it.
What to say. What to skip.
Small changes in wording can make someone feel heard instead of handled.
Try saying
- “I am here. You do not have to explain it all.”
- “That sounds really hard. Thank you for telling me.”
- “You are not a burden to me.”
- “What would help right now?”
- “I am not going anywhere.”
Try not to say
- “Just think positive.” or “It could be worse.”
- “I know exactly how you feel.” Everyone’s version is different.
- “You have so much to be grateful for.”
- “Why can’t you just…?”
- “Snap out of it.” or “Man up.”
Ways to help
Be there
Sit with them. Watch something. Take a walk. You do not have to talk the whole time.
Offer practical help
A meal, a ride, a load of laundry, a nudge to a doctor’s appointment. Specific beats “let me know if you need anything.”
Keep the door open
Keep inviting them, gently, even when the answer is no. “No” today is not “no” forever.
Respect their pace
Let them decide how much to share, and when. You cannot make someone ready.
Celebrate small wins
Getting out of bed. Taking a walk. Answering a text. These count.
Stay yourself
Keep being their friend, partner, parent or sibling. They are more than what they are going through.
Ask. Stay. Reach out.
If someone says things that make you think they may hurt themselves, ask them directly, calmly: “Are you thinking about suicide?” Asking does not plant the idea. It tells them they can talk to you. Listen without judging, stay with them, and get help.
Call or text 988 any time, for them or for you, to talk it through with a trained counselor. If they are in immediate danger, call 911.
How we fit in
Peer support is someone who has been through hard things, listening as an equal. No diagnosis, no clipboard, no referral needed. It is not therapy, and it does not replace medical care.
It has to be their choice. Nobody can enroll another adult, and we will not contact someone who has not asked us to. What you can do is show them the door: tell them what it is, that it is judgment-free, and that nothing is expected of them. Then let them decide, in their own time.
Share, do not push
Offer a link, not an ultimatum. Say you thought of them.
A low-stakes first step
Our Daily Cards and Journal are free on this site and need no sign-up.
Music, movement, or just talking
Whatever helps them open up. All of it is optional.
Loving someone who is struggling is heavy
You can be worn out, scared, angry and loving all at once. All of that is normal, and it does not make you a bad person. Your needs count.
Rest, really
You cannot pour from an empty cup, and you do not have to be on call all the time.
Set kind boundaries
You can love someone and still say no. Boundaries protect both of you.
Find your own support
Talk to someone you trust. A friend, a counselor, a support group, or 988 if things feel too heavy.
Drop the guilt
You did not cause this, you cannot control it, and you cannot cure it. You can only be there.
You are welcome to ask us about support for you, or look at our Resources page.
Take this with you
Print this page to keep on the fridge, in a drawer, or in your bag.
What we can and can't do
- We do not enroll anyone on their behalf.
- We cannot share information about a participant with family, even to confirm they attend, unless they tell us we may.
- We cannot tell you what someone said in a session.
- We can answer general questions about how Skorpion Strength works, and listen to you.
This is what lets participants speak freely. It protects your person, and one day it may protect you too.
Questions about a loved one?
Tell us what you are wondering. Please do not include their name or health details.